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This fictitious diary details fifteen months in the life of Mr. Charles Pooter, a middle aged city clerk of lower middle-class status but significant social aspirations. The Diary of a Nobody by George Grossmith and Weedon Grossmith. Adobe PDF icon. Download this document as File size: MB What's this? light. Free eBook: The Diary of a Nobody by George and Weedon Grossmith. The humors of English suburban life naively revealed by one Charles Pooter, a clerk, .

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The Project Gutenberg eBook, The Diary of a Nobody, by George and Weedon Grossmith This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with. Free kindle book and epub digitized and proofread by Project Gutenberg. Free Download. PDF version of The Diary of a Nobody by George Grossmith & Weedon Grossmith. Apple, Android and Kindle formats also available.

This edition created and published by Speshals. Charles Pooter. Brickfield Terrace. My only regret is that I did not commence it when I was a youth. I have often seen reminiscences of people I have never even heard of. The Laurels.

My only regret is that I did not commence it when I was a youth. I have often seen reminiscences of people I have never even heard of. The Laurels. We were rather afraid of the noise of the trains at first. Tradesmen trouble us a bit. Sweet Home. There is always something to be done: Our old friend Gowing may drop in without ceremony. Holloway—a nice six-roomed residence. I am always in of an evening. My dear wife Carrie and I have just been a week in our new house.

After my work in the City. We have a nice little back garden which runs down to the railway. He was certainly right. We should like to see more of him. The Curate calls and pays me a great compliment. Bilkson in small letters. My dear wife Caroline and I are pleased to see them. It is also a great comfort to us to know that our boy Willie is getting on so well in the Bank at Oldham. We have a little front garden. But Carrie and I can manage to pass our evenings together without friends.

I like to be at home. Now for my diary: In the evening. April 6. April 4. Carrie arranged with Borset. Ordered a shoulder of mutton for to-morrow. Must get the scraper removed. When he had. Gowing called. Gowing must have took it by mistake last night. The parlour bell is broken. April 5. Must get that scraper removed. I went out to see who it was. I restrained my feelings. Carrie having arranged with another butcher without consulting me. He left the house.

Carrie being out. Sarah said Mr. Cummings unexpectedly dropped in to show me a meerschaum pipe he had won in a raffle in the City. He replied he was very glad to hear it. Dear friend Gowing dropped in. I arranged to deal with Horwin. Tradesmen still calling. I will keep it for another occasion. I thought of a splendid answer I ought to have given him. He seems. I looked forward to being home early. He said he was unable to take his Bank Holiday last Monday.

Most annoying. I make one of the best jokes of my life. April 9. He caught his foot in the scraper. I had to take the Curate whose name.

Carrie suggests that we might ourselves broaden the paint. I did not catch. Went to Church again in the evening: Sarah makes me look a fool before Cummings. Took a walk round the garden. Delights of Gardening. The butcher. Carrie noticed he had got on the same pair of trousers. I am afraid we shall have to get some new stair-carpets after all.

Gowing rather tiresome with his complaints of the paint. After dinner. He begged me to accept his apology. I sent Carrie in to open front door. He began by abusing me. Found Borset waiting. April 8.

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She could not get it open. I simply said: He had been three times during the day to apologise for his conduct last night. He wants me to take round the plate. I will see if we can match the colour dark chocolate on Monday.

It would cost very little more. It would be more satisfactory to him and to us to have the work done properly. It was the blackguard butcher again. I told three of them that if Mr. It is disgraceful how late some of the young clerks are at arriving. Gowing is sometimes very tedious with his remarks.

He seems a very civil fellow. He says he does not usually conduct such small jobs personally. April In the evening Gowing called. He suggested he should entirely repaint the stairs. Planted some mustard-and-cress and radishes.

He said he spent half-a-day calling at warehouses to see if he could get it. You cannot argue with people like that. I thanked him. Arrived home tired and worried. I consented. To-day was a day of annoyances. It was also rather too much for me.

The result was that I was the only one late of the lot. I was half-an-hour late at the office. Carrie joined us later.

The Diary of a Nobody

I felt his excuse was no consolation for the expense I shall be put to. Gowing dropped in. He said he had knocked at the side door with his knuckles for a quarter of an hour.

Thought afterwards it would have been more dignified if I had pretended not to have heard him at all. He said it was a most ridiculous place to put the gas-pipe. He replied that he did pull the bell. Left Farmerson repairing the scraper. I asked the meaning of it.

I treated the observation with silence. I knew Sarah. There has recently been much irregularity in the attendance of the clerks. I heard him remark to his neighbour: Cummings called in the evening. Someone had given the tip to the others. On returning Gowing noticed I was not smoking: I took a walk round the garden three or four times.

We walked and chatted together. I procured and sowed some half-hardy annuals in what I fancy will be a warm. I thought of a joke. I walked round to Putley. It only shows how small the world is. Carrie had called in a woman to make some chintz covers for our drawing-room chairs and sofa to prevent the sun fading the green rep of the furniture.

I thought. I saw the woman. I actually woke up twice during the night. I said: I never was so immensely tickled by anything I have ever said before. I distinctly smell dry rot. Carrie came out rather testy. Gowing began his usual sniffing. Stillbrook said: As it was getting on for five. When it got dark I wrote to Cummings and Gowing who neither called. At last I wrote: I watched them.

I felt very dull all the evening. Gowing called to me across the gate. I turned back for a moment. I posted the letter. Dumfounded at receiving a sharp letter from Cummings. Stillbrook replied: Stillbrook said. I heard the porter say: When they appeared they were all in most excellent spirits. Spent the whole day at the office sneezing. Fell asleep in the arm-chair, and woke with the shivers. Was startled by a loud knock at the front door.

Carrie awfully flurried. Sarah still out, so went up, opened the door, and found it was only Cummings.


Cummings squeezed my hand, and said: All right. Say no more about it. While playing dominoes with Cummings in the parlour, he said: My cousin Merton has just set up in the trade, and has a splendid whisky, four years in bottle, at thirty-eight shillings. It is worth your while laying down a few dozen of it.

To my horror, at that very moment, Sarah entered the room, and putting a bottle of whisky, wrapped in a dirty piece of newspaper, on the table in front of us, said: Merton on Society. James, of Sutton, come up. A miserable evening at the Tank Theatre. Experiments with enamel paint. I make another good joke; but Gowing and Cummings are unnecessarily offended.

I paint the bath red, with unexpected result. Gowing also called. Merton made himself at home at once, and Carrie and I were both struck with him immediately, and thoroughly approved of his sentiments.

He leaned back in his chair and said: I intended to convey that our charming host and hostess were superior to the follies of fashion, and preferred leading a. He booked his own order, and further said that at any time I wanted any passes for the theatre I was to let him know, as his name stood good for any theatre in London.

James , and her husband had come up from Sutton for a few days, it would look kind to take them to the theatre, and would I drop a line to Mr. I wrote Merton to that effect. James Miss Fullers that was came to meat tea, and we left directly after for the Tank Theatre.

James each time insisted on paying for all, saying that I had paid for the tickets and that was quite enough. I walked ahead and presented the tickets. The man looked at them, and called out: The gentleman called to, came up and examined my tickets, and said: Merton, of course.

These tickets, which are not dated, were issued under Mr. I was leaning out of the box, when my tie—a little black bow which fastened on to the stud by means of a new patent—fell into the pit below. A clumsy man not noticing it, had his foot on it for ever so long before he discovered it. He then picked it up and eventually flung it under the next seat in disgust. What with the box incident and the tie, I felt quite miserable. James, of Sutton, was very good. He said: That is the only advantage of growing one that I can see.

To hide the absence of the tie I had to keep my chin down the rest of the evening, which caused a pain at the back of my neck. James from the country to go to the theatre last night, and his having paid for a private box because our order was not honoured, and such a poor play too. Awfully vexed at this.

I bought two tins of red on my way home.

I hastened through tea, went into the garden and painted some flower-pots. I called out Carrie, who said: Sorry to say Carrie was not, in fact we had a few words about it.

She said I ought to have consulted her, and she had never heard of such a thing as a bath being painted red. I replied: I am not a rich man. I told her firmly that I knew a great www. To my surprise. Passing down the room an hour later. I was unfeignedly pleased to notice this improvement in his manner towards me. I turned round sharply. I shall be going. I told him it would be my duty to inform Mr. I fairly doubled up in my chair. Went home early and bought some more enamel paint—black this time— and spent the evening touching up the fender.

Pitt apologised most humbly and in a most gentlemanly fashion.

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I received a smart smack in the face from a rolled-up ball of hard foolscap. Cummings followed it up by saying. This rather unpleasantly terminated what might have been a cheerful evening. Then imagine my astonishment on perceiving both Cummings and Gowing perfectly silent.

I think this was one of the best jokes I have ever made. After rather an unpleasant pause. I am happy. Bath ready—could scarcely bear it so hot. I persevered. I determined not to say a word to Carrie.

I lay still for some time. On moving my hand above the surface of the water. I was a proud man when I led you down the aisle of the church on our wedding-day.

I stepped out of the bath. My first thought was that I had ruptured an artery. Carrie and I read the invitation over two or three times.

My third was. I said—and I felt it from the bottom of my heart. I had got a chill. And I am very. I could scarcely eat my breakfast. You have called me pretty. I experienced the greatest fright I ever received in the whole course of my life. My second thought was to ring the bell. I have not danced with you for years.

I was too angry to say anything. I feel my invitation is considerably discounted. Told Gowing not to call next Monday. May 3. May 5. While speaking incidentally to Spotch. I felt this rather discounted the value of the invitation.

May 4. May 2. Perkupp knows best. Must consult Mr. Spent the evening in answering. I felt the reply was too simple. I told Mr. Sent similar note to Cummings. May 1. We arrived at the Mansion House too early. I indignantly threw them on the ground. I put a piece of court-plaster on my chin. James lent her. I thought perhaps the dress was a little too long behind. I had to get dressed at half-past six.

I stepped on a piece of the cabbage. For a moment I was stunned. I regret to say. James had come up from Sutton to help Carrie. James was most kind. She was wearing a satin dress of sky-blue—my favourite colour—and a piece of lace..

May 7. He went away crying. I twice thought of the Mansion House reception to-morrow. James brought me down another shirt. The whole house upset. Never have I seen her look so lovely. In the dark. I was so thirsty. They began embracing each other and drinking champagne. I was astonished. I saw someone who looked like Franching. I turned. I was a little annoyed with Carrie. Receiving a sharp slap on the shoulder.

My humble pen can never describe it. To think that a man who mends our scraper should know any member of our aristocracy! I was just moving with Carrie. I could not eat much. He said. There was an immense crowd in the supper-room. I said. For full five minutes they stood roaring with laughter.

There was scarcely a dish she did not taste. Carrie made a most hearty supper. Crowds arrived. I thank you. I felt as if we had been invited to the Mansion House by one who did not know the Lord Mayor himself.

I felt. I am quite happy standing here alone in a crowd. A most unfortunate accident occurred. There was a roar of laughter. I put my arm round her waist and we commenced a waltz. The gentleman. I gave my arm to Carrie. I followed. We stood chatting for some time. A gentleman assisted Carrie to a seat. I needly hardly say that Carrie fell with me with equal violence. I had got on a new pair of boots. I had scarcely started when. I only had a glass and a half.

Carrie offended. I determined I would go to bed. I felt faint. I shall certainly speak to her about this in the morning. Farmerson said: I sat over an hour waiting for her to return. When up. Neither Carrie nor I. To make matters worse.

Gowing also offended. I could scarcely see. In the evening I felt very much worse again and said to her: Come and have another glass. May 8. As we were departing.

So bad at the office. I thought first of sending for a doctor. Went to another chemist in the City. We must leave these capers to the youngsters. You then offer this vulgar man. Reserve that tone for your new friend.

I say nothing about his tearing my dress in getting in the cab. She said: After professing to snub Mr. Mister Farmerson. I helped myself to a cup of tea. I wish a little explanation of your conduct last night.

That is not all! At the end of the journey. Wrote to the Blackfriars Bi-weekly News. Carrie had commenced her breakfast when I entered the parlour. Disappointed to find our names omitted. More than vexed. May There was a short list of several names they had omitted.

I did it for the best. Gowing entered the room. MP3 Download Download mp3 files for each chapter of this book in one zip file Wikipedia — The Diary of a Nobody. Wikipedia — George Grossmith.

Wikipedia — Weedon Grossmith. Timothy - August 21, Subject: Just Ok I really like the story and the guy who is reading the story but I had to stop at chapter 4 because I was feeling stressed as it went along. There were some sarcastic parts in it that made me feel stressed. I am disappointed because I thought it might be a book I love.

San - April 12, So enjoyed this story - hated it to end. Stef - September 23, Subject: Book I didn't know what to expect when I decided to open this book. I was VERY surprised! I thought this book was a hoot! The reader was spot on! Loved it - April 29, Subject: Reader is superb This is a very funny book, especially if you like dry humor. The reader was really excellent and perfect for the part. ThIs was very professional sounding, which was quite a pleasant surprise because it is not often the case on free audiobooks.

Wish he would record more! Arrowsmith Ltd. First Edition, June, Reprinted, April, Reprinted, May, Second Edition, September, Third Edition, October, Reprinted, November, Reprinted, December, Reprinted, June, Reprinted, October, Reprinted, August, Reprinted, September, Fourth Edition, October,

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